Looking for a cure....

Knowledge is key and somehow my curiosity got the best of me and went against my better judgement.  I am still reeling from a darn trilogy of romance mixed with stuff that usually was unsettling for me to read.  Yep, that darn fifty shades trilogy took hold and got under my skin BIG TIME.  I am not sure if it is love of the characters or the premise that this book portrayed what I feel is lacking in my real life, but I just can't get the emotion that was put in those books.  While I do agree that the writing style could have been better and that there are some repetitive phrases in these books, I let my imagination look past those little literary annoyances and saw the books as a story that brought on false hope.  I think that the clincher of these books was the thought process of the ever so dreamy Christian Grey.  Those few little tidbits that were offered as his perception/thought process of his childhood memory and the thoughts and feelings he was experiencing when he first met Miss Anastasia Steele.  I think that the premise of the three books were strictly her thoughts being shared lacked the addiction that people have been suffering.  It was the the insight of his mind that made these books a must read a second (and third) time.  Women want to know more about men and what they think.  We want to know about their feelings because men usually do not share their deepest and darkest secrets.  Just reading what a man thinks and how he decides his actions is what impacts us so immensely.

I knew that reading romance novels were a bad idea.  I did manage to read a romance novel years ago and was disappointed at the premise that it was a grown up version of a fairy tale.  It brought on that false sense of hope like the childhood fairy tales that had us believe that we will live happily ever after with our own personal Prince Charming.  Reality sets in and it is quite obvious that there is really no Prince Charming that rides us off into the sunset.  While men are aware that the fairy tale is what women want, they only offer that scenario to sweep us off our feet.  Once we are smitten, their chivalry starts to die off and the layers of the lies they gave us starts to shed.  The day that you say "I do" happens, the man that swept us off our feet become the opposite.  Their true selves surface and we are stuck with the workaholic, beer guzzling frat boy that we thought we managed to avoid.  While there are some hopeless romantic guys out there, it is never remotely close to the heroes that are portrayed in the romance books.  Yep, women are suckers for the fairy tale and I am obviously one of them.

For all those men out there wondering why women seem so complex... here is a tidbit of advice that will clear the fog and let you see what women are looking for.....

Read a romance novel or two.  Take notes.  What women need and what women want is pretty simple.  The only difference is the level of the hero we are looking for.  Here are the top descriptive requirements every woman needs (including me)....  

Women want a man that is mysterious, but willing to share his deepest secrets with only her.  Generous to a fault.  He needs to be protective, but not too protective (women are stronger than what men give us credit for).  He needs to be constantly smitten with the woman he is with, but not smothering.  He needs to be vulnerable and insecure, but not clingy.  He needs to be a gentleman, but he needs to be playful.  He needs to be attentive to her needs and is willing to do just about anything for her.  He needs to be tough, but sensitive.  Compliments should happen often, but not in a predictable way.  He should always make her feel desired at all times (aka boost her ego).  He needs to know the right things to say (believe me, you guys know how to say the right things at the right time if you think before you go into defense mode).  When a woman is sad or upset, the most touching thing that can be said is how you will hold us as long as we need to be held, to kiss the tears away, and to always be there for us.  I have heard comments like those from my guy friends and it is very comforting to know that I was thought of in such a caring way.  Well, the kissing my tears away comment was an obvious attempt to sweep me off my feet, but it was definitely appreciated even though nothing was going to happen if they did.  A woman also wants a little spontaneity when it comes to feelings.  They want to see him make the first move with the loving gestures because they want to and not because it is expected.  When it comes to looks and demeanor?  Attractive with a tough guy look, aloof towards others, but very sensitive when it comes to the woman in his life.  He also needs to be an attentive lover in bed and a playful flirt to only her.  While most of this is portrayed in the chasing phase men have when they are interested in a woman, somehow, you men seem to drop the act once you have her in your grasp.  No wonder why women get addicted to romance novels.... it is a way to relive a fantasy they once had because someone "dropped the ball" and it obviously was not her.... You catch my drift?

I really do not know why people end up changing as time marches forward.  Probably because when one changes, the other follows suit in an attempt to keep the balance in the relationship.  Remember, it is the woman that becomes attached and she is willing to change to keep the balance.  What is so sad is that when things change, it rarely ever changes in a good way.  While women try to express their feelings, it is the men that see it as being a nag or being demanding.  Relationships take compromise.  You have to give in order to receive.  It is not all about "you" anymore.  It should be about "us".  Yes, life is no bed of roses... bills need to be paid, work needs to be done, and there are challenges every step of the way, but if there is unconditional love there.... those challenges will never affect the romance that connected the two of you in the first place.  Love really does not need to die, it just needs to be in the spotlight more.

As in the Shades of Grey books, the portrayal of Christian Grey was the right mix of control freak, generous gentleman, talented yet considerate lover, playful flirt, vulnerable soul, and protector.  Yep, a fantasy of a man that obviously knew he was good looking, but remained focused on the woman he fell for.  It was that lethal mix of who he was made to be that has women like me reeling with false hopes that there is another just like him out there in this big world waiting for us or maybe the one we are with could suddenly become the epitome of the character.  Either way, it is a pipe dream and men refuse to read those books.  Now, how do we figure a solution to get the fantasy/fairy tale out of our heads and embrace what is reality?  I have no clue, but I am looking for a cure.  So far... it is struggling to read a narcissistic book about a spoiled woman (a memoir, so to speak).  It is not working as well as I hoped, but I have all summer to get through it and maybe, just maybe get my head out of the clouds.