Balance....

Balance.... The ultimate goal in life.

Call it the Ying-Yang effect, but that is what life is about.  It is about balancing the serious side with the playful side.  My question is how to get that level of balance when balancing a situation makes you unbalanced as a person?  Think about it.....

You are in a committed relationship.  There is just more than one person to consider in this equation.  When one is lacking in one part, the other makes up the difference.  I just wonder why when one is lacking just a little in being serious, the other does what is necessary to balance it, but sees that actually balancing that other person just created an opportunity to go completely off kilter and the effort now becomes greater than initially intended? 

Here is the breakdown as simply as I can think of.....

Let's say there is this couple.  Their names are Joe and Kim.  Joe is one that tends to be a bit off balance when it comes to being serious compared to his ability to being playful.  For the sake of argument, Joe is a kid at heart and lacks being serious.  He has a job, works hard, but plays even harder.  Responsibilities beyond that 9-5 job is not something Joe prefers to deal with.  Now, Kim, being remotely balanced levels out Joe's lack of being serious by taking on a more serious side of things.  Ya know, taking care of the responsibilities beyond the 9-5 job.  Kim, thinking that being the serious one for Joe is helping him see that some things need to be taken seriously, in fact, believes she is creating balance in Joe's life.  This assistance should bring to light that important things are being taken care of, but in actuality, Kim just took over the things that Joe had no interest in facing.  Joe, seeing that the serious stuff is being handled, decides that he can fit in more fun in his life, thus putting himself in a deeper level of being unbalanced.  Kim, seeing his lack of regard to important things takes it upon herself to step up and handle more of the serious side of things and makes her unbalanced because she is lacking the fun side of life.  Basically, two people becoming one to make a balanced existence.  Sadly both cannot exist being only one thing.  Joe always wanting to be playing and Kim being the serious one.  

As the old saying goes... "all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy"....  Someone in this couple got the raw end of the deal.  Can you see who that was?  Yep, it was Kim.  She sacrificed having some fun for the sake of another.  She chose to place her attention on one person and to "help" balance their existence.  Sadly, in order to try to keep some balance in the existence of the two of them together, she sacrificed her already balanced existence.  One completely became the "Ying" to the other's "Yang".  In essence, Kim and Joe changed.  They are no longer individuals.  They changed who they are to the situation.  Kind of a "good cop - bad cop" scenario.

Now, how does one fix this problem?  That is where I seem to have that problem.  I started as a balanced person.  I was able to handle a multitude of things.  I had a balance of serious and fun in me.  Once I got married, I became unbalanced.  So did DH.  I made changes and sacrifices that are not noticed by him and because of those changes and sacrifices, I am feeling a bit jaded by it all.  I have made balance in another's existence with complete disregard of my own.  I am no longer the same person.  I chose my path and realized that what I chose was not as beneficial as I thought it would have been.  I have a feeling that DH has the same feelings, but his perspective is far different than mine.  I just wonder if he is just as curious as I am about how to get back what was lost/sacrificed.  How does one let go the resentment?  How does one allow the other to prove their abilities to make more changes to really balance it all?  If one takes one side of the teeter-totter of balance to the nth degree, how can they overcome the fear of letting the other end take on some of the weight as well as taking on some of the other's weight?  You know, a fair trade...

The sacrifices we make change us.  I just fear that the sacrifices we tend to make become resentful acts for another.  I just do not know how to communicate my concerns if when I look at the situation and see the problem, but he does not seem to notice anything wrong.  Is he seeing this as something not broken and does not need to be fixed?  Or is he accepting this and is embracing the unbalanced individuals we have become?  My cynical side is telling me that he sees that he has the better end of the deal and wants to leave it well alone.  My opinionated side is telling me that this should be addressed because I feel that I am getting the raw end of the bargain.  Well, in this case...  I believe that my cynical side is right.  Why create confrontation when things have finally settled down......