Staying up half the night, doing my best to try to keep my mind clear and avoid a restless slumber with tears in my eyes. I did all that I could to be reasonable about the recent bout with the games that my family has mastered without informing me of the rules. Maybe I stepped over the line without even realizing it.... maybe the line was drawn without me seeing it and I never even had a chance. Either way, it comes back to this game that I will never get a chance to win.
I at least got a chance to hear from my best friend last night. She gave me a call, feeling frustrated about something that happened to her and she needed to vent about it. She knows that I am more than willing and able to offer her advise when she feels stumped about something. I just found it so interesting that what happened to her is very similar to what I am going through. Then, she shared something that just about knocked me off my chair... She knows of a game that encompasses all of the games being played in my home by my lovely family.....
It is called...... The "I win" game.
This game called, "I win, you lose", is the epitome of mind games. "Well, I made the game, I am not telling you the rules, so no matter how hard you try to figure it out... I will change the rules to my liking and you will always lose". Sounds like fun, huh? Not when I am the constant receiving end of the game.... Here is my last attempt to change the game and failed miserably....
Last night, DH finally came home... all happy like nothing is wrong. I did my best of doing the same with hopes that the discussion will be avoided. I was feeling quite hurt. I decided I want to just drop the subject because I know that I am not gonna win. Apparently, I did not do a good enough of a job at pretending to be just thrilled like a puppy seeing their master walk through the door after a long day. I was washing dishes as he grabs a plate and reheats dinner. Next thing I hear out of his mouth is... "Oh, great! Now you are pissed at me for saying no to the camcorder. You know, it is a great idea, I would love to get one, but we just cannot afford to spend money we do not have for something like that. There are loads of things I would love to have too, but you don't see me going all nutty and buying everything in sight... do you?" Yep... Slapping on the guilt trip. Turn the tables that he is the hurt one and that it is all my fault.... I guess that is a classic move in DH's version of the "I win" game. Needless to say, I stuck to my lie and told him that everything is just fine and that I was not mad. The only honest thing said was that I was not mad. Nope, not mad, just hurt.... Two totally different feelings when you think about it.
I wonder if there is ever a chance to actually turn the tables on this game and actually win for once... Oh, that's right... The rules can change at any time to the game maker's liking to ensure that you will never win. I can only guess when turning the tables on a person is the best trump card out there if there was a chance to win. It is like going to your favorite eatery, ordering one thing and deciding you wanted something completely different. Then, play the martyr, state that you must have been misunderstood and begrudgingly accept what was brought to you with that sigh of dismay that you are willing to take something that you supposedly did not want in the first place, but ordered it. Total mind-screwing play. Maybe I even played the "I win game" last night because I just sighed and accepted something that I knew was going to happen anyway. I call that move the optimistic pessimistic move. I knew that I was going to lose before I even tried. Sadly, I don't feel like I won anything..... I am just not really good at games anyway.....
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