Yesterday, I decided to not blog in order to get to absorb the experience of the day. You see, going to my in-laws is a total crap shoot. It can be a picture perfect setting of what I see spending time with family is or it is a total depressing experience. I am pleased to announce that it went really well. I actually felt like I existed with this group. Usually, I feel unwelcome by DH's siblings and feel the need to blend in with the furniture. This time, I was included in conversations and even asked questions. What a real nice change of pace that was. Never one to get my hopes up too high... I sure hope that can happen again sometime.
Somehow, I thought that DH was going to continue this game of "I win, you lose" and really drive the concept home by getting his parents to side with him. I just felt quite relieved that it only lasted the 3 days and stopped. The air was getting a little too thick to breathe for a while there. I figured if this game was to go into a fourth day, I would have to ask for help by the people he listens to more than me... his parents. Asking for help from them is something I try to avoid at all costs because I have always felt that I am an annoyance to their blissful existence. Usually, when I have asked for their help in the past, I quickly learn that it turns into an even bigger fight between DH and me. You see, I am not a game player. I refuse to pin people against one another for personal gain, but somehow in my apparent ignorance of this game and how its played... my honest attempt of trying to fix a problem with help is a major no-no because it would look like a desperate attempt to dominate the situation. Chances are, my recent knowledge of this game has made my thinking even more critical. I am not sure if that is a healthy way to think, but.... that is what I see happening.
I did mention about DD's up and coming graduation ceremony for her martial arts classes. They even sounded interested in going. I did tell them that I will let them know the definite date once we get closer to it because I know that it will happen in August, but I am not sure of the exact date. Who knows, they might have an idea brewing to ask DH if we have a camcorder to record this event in her life. Then maybe they can talk him into making the investment and leave me out of it... crisis averted...
I just wonder why there must be games played in order to have a personal gain. Really, is it more important to always win? Or can people actually accept that it is like that old saying of..... "It does not matter if you win or lose.... it matters that you played the game".... Hmmm... My critical thinking is running again... DARN IT! It matters that you play the game?!?!?! Well, that tells me that there is always going to be a game to play. Homey, here does not like to play games... Especially ones that hurt another's feelings for personal gain. I think I need to find another old saying about winning/losing that does not leave room for interpretation of it always being a game.... Hmmm.... I wonder if my thought process changes and instead of using the word game, use the words of goal to attain..... Nope. Still a game I don't want to play.
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