If you have not noticed yet, I have been less than talkative these days. My blogs are becoming more and more scarce, my posts on Facebook basically consist of game requests, and what I do happen to share is really nothing Earth-shattering. I believe that I finally fell into the deep thought mode that makes me second guess everything I write and do.
Just the other day, I had a curious moment that started as a comparison between being opinionated or being a skeptic. Both are the similar, yet so different. You have to be one to be the other. Here is what I learned...
Opinionated people believe things are to be one way and will never question or sway from their decision. Basically, it is a person who sees things as black or white with no gray areas. Times might have changed, but what you believe is fact, never changes. Skeptical people are serious doubters. They tend to make their decision after all facts are presented and scrutinized to the nth degree. You might see them as being a cynic. In order to be one, you need to dabble in the other. Skeptics are opinionated as well as opinionated are skeptics. Deep thought like that can give a person a headache thinking about it.
After attending a recent hair show, I realized that I am more of an "old dog" that is less than likely to learn a "new trick" when it comes to how I handle my job. Well, that and realizing that there is really nothing new when it comes to what is the current trend.
A recent walk-out at my current job was a large enough shock to make me question about my future. Nope, I did not quit suddenly, but several of my fellow employees did. I do wish them the best of luck in their new endeavor, they will be missed, but I feel as if our friendship is a little strained. After losing a few of them as Facebook friends (by their choice only), it makes me wonder if friendships are really strong enough to weather any storm.
The current financial situation at home is still strained at the seams. I have an opportunity to put in even more hours at my current job, but with some serious trust issues with the little one at home, I feel torn about doing more than what I am already doing. With summer vacation nearing for DD, my presence is needed more than ever. I am thinking that I might try to go the whole "flex scheduling" for the summer and then make a larger commitment at work once school is back in session. Sadly, either way I go with this thought process, I am not guaranteed larger paychecks because my job is a commission paying job.
I have no doubt that my less than stellar act of not saying much on a social site has given me a less than warm feeling when I do share "what's on my mind" and there is nothing commented in return. My feelings about Facebook has even become less about being social site, but a reenactment of the whole high school popularity contest. I might get a "poke" here and there, maybe even a message, but the invites to events are getting less and less. I know it is because I cannot afford to attend all the events. Seeing a reply of "might attend" or "not attending" is a major factor to not getting invited to the next event. Who knows... Maybe I am becoming a bit critical about it all... maybe I am not. I do appreciate being thought of, though so thanks to all that think of me. I guess I have not really figured out how to utilize the social site anyway. Well, I was never one to strive to be the most popular one anyway, so this should not affect me so much, but it does.
I could also blame myself for my inability to share everything because I do happen to get criticized for every action and inaction I make. I know I strive to make everyone happy. I try so hard because I hate confrontation. I have had my fair share of abusive situations and I understand the crippling fear of disappointment by ones we care about deeply. I have had a few abusive relationships in my past. Mainly, they were verbally abusive, but one wasn't. I get reminded of it every time my back spasms. I know that my past experiences have made me stronger, but it also makes me more cautious. Everyone has had their fair share of pain in their life. I know that I have, but when the pain and the memory are all that seems to pop up in my head, I know it is best to keep that to myself. Nobody wants to hear about pain and strife. I guess that is why I have been having a real long stretch of being quiet. Yep, I can put a smile on my face through the pain, but it does not make it go away.
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