Not too long ago, a co-worker asked me a question for her client. Her question was..... "Why are girls attracted to bad boys and not this really good guy (pointing in the direction of her client)?"
Her client looks at me with obvious curiosity to what my answer will be....
I decided to clarify that question and make sure that he was ready for a really honest answer.... He was.
A smile came across my face (my usual softening tactic when I have to be brutally honest), pondered my words, and said the honest truth..... Girls swoon at guys that pose a challenge. They have a deeply ingrained sense that they need to "fix" him, and apparently there is nothing to "fix".
To all those readers of my blog that happen to be of the male species: I know that you are probably shouting "FIX HIM??? WTF!!! Men do not want to be fixed...." I am painfully aware of the sentiment, but it is true, in a sense. Women are natural born nurturers. We are emotional creatures that yearn to be wanted and needed. Our sense of connection is more emotional than physical. While we appreciate the physical attention, we look at encompassing every emotional aspect available in our minds.
Now, just an interesting thought or even observation that I have not gotten a solid answer for, but can only assume what I think is true. Men are more visual than emotional. They see what they want, pursue it and revert back to who they are. Men seem to love the chase, but once it gets more emotional.... they high-tail it to the hills. While they are capable of emotion, it is far more reserved because they like to have control at all times. The depth of commitment is quite shallow in their minds. Encompassing all those emotional aspects is droll and frankly, a pain in the ass. Men like simple things, while in their opinion.... women are just too complicated and wonder why women get so wound up over what they see is trivial crap.
Yes, men can be complicated, too. At least in the eyes of women. We have a hard time grasping that men will think differently than women. But in all honesty..... we do have a fair number of similarities, but refuse to take a stroll in the other's shoes to understand it. Here are a few observations that I noticed.....
*Women want the "bad boy" look, but desire the soft spoken romantic. It is in how the exterior contradicts the interior.
*Men's pursuit is purely sexual, but do want a deeper connection mentally. Yet another contradiction between what is on the outside to what is on the inside.
*When it comes to "the chase", both men and women spend a lot of attention to the details. What you wear, what you say, what you do, and how you act. Once the chase proves fruitful and you acquired your intended goal (sometimes 'victim' comes to mind because there are some serious 'cereal daters' out there), you relax from the comfort that you have their undivided attention; they are not looking to go anywhere else, and revert to who you are that obviously is the polar opposite of who you portrayed to get them in the first place. (BTW... I have solid proof of this scenario quite a few times. I was pursued by a courteous and thoughtful guy to later find out he was a total control freak. He certainly was not that when I first met him, but became that shortly after I accepted his request to be his girlfriend.... Heck, I married a guy that told me he loved me numerous times before I said it once and after we got married... I no longer get any random share of the emotion from him.)
*Once settled in a relationship, we find every little annoyance there is about that person. During that courtship stage (aka the chase) has run its course, our "smitten" goggles come off and we see clearly what we chose to settle upon and get a bit angry. Women acted aloof to snare the attention of their guy, and men acted well out of their element to woo their girl.... Now, women want that continual stream of wooing and men want their women to shut the hell up and stay aloof. People are driven by insecurity to keep what they got.... Both men and women can agree on this. Sadly, a woman's insecurity can be paralyzing and destructive to the foundation of the relationship. Men's, on the other hand, are only spurred by jealousy which can be disguised as looking like a knight in shining armor.
*Conversations and physical acts: Men do not communicate as well as women. Women are not as insatiable as men. Trying harder to strengthen their weaknesses would be ideal, but DNA makes it really hard to try. Women vent feelings while men try to decipher if they have to "fix it" or "defend their actions that they feel they are being chastised for". Men take comfort in physical contact as the best form of communication while women see it as non-verbal.
Correct me if I am wrong, but I think my observations are spot on. I think I am starting to understand more, but understand less at the same time because of it. It is not like I need to have all the answers, but it does not hurt to understand more. Somewhere in these observations is the answer to my problem, but how do I fix something that most likely is not broken to begin with. It only seems broken because I am looking at this through the eyes of a woman and not a man. Also, I cannot seem to get DH's point of view of things. He just seems to shut down every time I try to get him to open up. Quite frustrating is all I can say about that.... Oh well.... Just observations... No facts.... What do you think?????
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