An idle mind.....

An idle mind can be a dangerous thing.  Makes a person thinking abilities something from a parallel universe.  Understanding yourself and your thought process is fine, but understanding another's thought process is completely different.  It can make you jaded because people can be less than honest about themselves to the public.  We have been taught to be nice and to share when we were kids, regardless if we had a brother or sister to deal with.  The only child in a family needs to learn how to be nice and share, too.  It is what has been acceptable behavior for generations of people.  As we get older, we hone our social skills, we learn to snub a person in such a nice way that the person never figures out that they are snubbed.  It is called tolerance.  We learn to lie to the truth when it is handed to us on a silver platter.  Some call this denial.

Ever felt completely alone in a crowded room?

Ever felt that those around you are not really the most honest with you?

Ever thought that a person's actions have been carefully planned out because they feel they need to hide what they really want?

I have those days often.  Maybe it is because I put myself out there and never know that I am heard.  Maybe I think too deeply, or share too much.  Maybe my attempts of being more in touch with who I am is something people choose to not face.  Fun and always up for an adventure is more desirable to be around.  Being a goof is more entertaining than deep thought.  

It most likely has to do with the times we live in.  Things are tough everywhere.  Everyone is seeking an escape from worry.  A vacation from obligations and responsibilities.  Everyone prefers a good laugh over deep thought.  What attracts a person to enjoyment is the detachment from being serious.  Throw caution to the wind and see where it takes you, but sadly, we all have that little voice in our heads that pulls us back.  It stops us from taking an adventure that is well beyond your imagination.  We have set the course to make sure that people closest to us are happy, but at the expense of our own happiness.  Never knowing what a person really wants just creates a crap shoot in guessing what is best.  It is all in how we think of the other person.

Lets just say, for the sake of argument, that one person might think that material possessions are more important than emotional connections and the other thinks completely opposite.  It is like giving a dollar to a person who really wants a hug.  Opposites attract, right?  What happens when a person changes their thought process?  What was important at one time is no longer as important.  How does a person bring across the change in their thought process to the others around them without hurting their feelings?  Do we just suck it up and deal with life's shortcomings for the sake of another?  Do we stand up and shout for what we want, not thinking about how the other person feels about it?  Or do we seek out what we are lacking in another because you cannot seem to fix what is broken, but don't want to lose what you already have?  

Of course, we all have choices to make and we tend to choose because of our emotions.  We can choose to do or not to do.  It is like a tug of war in a person's mind when decisions need to be made.

I have not really changed all that much.  Who I am is as true as I can be.  There are days I feel as if I am tolerated and there are days that I feel loved.  That is what life is about.  It is finding that middle ground and being happy because you choose to be.  

I am just not a fan of those days I become critical and desire attention when I really have nothing to offer, but myself.  Those are my idle thought moments that come along, unannounced, screaming to be seen and heard.  Those moments I wonder if there is something better out there for me because I spent my last bit of energy on making someone happy that clearly chose to not be or I am completely off in what they really need.  Maybe they are happy, but choose to not show it or even share.  I am loved, but they choose to not show it.  It is those moments that drive me nuts.  The inability of others to share what they are really thinking or feeling; the masking of the truth, the denial factor.  

The truth shall set you free, but at a cost.  Are you willing to pay the price?

Just some food for thought on a day that I am feeling a bit "idle".....