Worth fighting for....

Strange dream last night.  Kind of sounds like a hokey romance novel.  Boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy finds girl again.  Just trying to be friends when there is such a past of unanswered questions can make anyone uncomfortable.  As I am not one for romance novels because I seem to lack that part of my DNA chain that believes crap like that exists.  Things happen for a reason.

As Albert Einstein solved the theory of relativity, it has been known that every action has an equal, if not greater reaction.  I think that is how my thought process has always been.  Something needs to happen to give a result.  Love at first sight cannot happen unless someone is seen, right?  Just being a little scientific because I can.

What was odd about this dream is that it goes completely against who I am as a person.  I am not a person worth defending.  I am not a damsel in distress.  If anything, I am more than willing to kick the snot out of anyone who tries to mess with me.  Having pent up frustration is key to being willing to get into a fight.  I recall a time when a person tried to follow me home.  Any normal person would drive their car to the nearest police station to scare them off your trail.  In fact, in times like these, I would do the same thing, but back then, I was younger and more courageous, which is a recipe for stupidity.  I would get out of my car with a baseball bat and an attitude.  Being the youngest of 4 kids, you know that sibling rivalry was commonplace in my world, so standing up for yourself is a necessity.  Either stand up or be knocked down was my motto.

As for the whole concept of an old friend with a secret admiration for me is totally bunk.  Every friend of mine is just that... a friend.  Nothing more, nothing less.  I will admit that there are a few friends that I have that could possibly fit the category of secret crushes of my past.  I just look at my past as being just that... my past.  They never happened for a reason.  The secret admirers, if there were any, stayed a secret for a reason.  The ones I has admired from afar, never noticed me enough to even know.  I was never one to push myself upon people I liked.  If it happened, it happened.  If it did not, well, then it was not meant to be.  Just being friends was good enough for me.  My heart might have ached a lot back then, but nobody ever knew.  I think that is what made me a little more of a deep thinker.

Looking back, I was never romanced off my feet.  Well, it did happen once, but as fast as my wall of protection was being knocked off its foundation, it ended abruptly.  That hurt like hell.  That experience in my life changed me and how I saw what love was.  Every relationship that followed was looked at differently. In fact, the way I looked at love was different.  Love is not as romantic as it should be.  I actually miss it now.

I married my best friend.  He makes me laugh, he is considerate, he cares for me, but he is not romantic in any sense of the word.  I do love him, but it is not that consuming type of love I see in others.  Maybe it is because we give each other breathing room.  We are not clingy, we are far from being that mushy stuff you see with young love.  We are each others support system.  We work hard at being a team.  I do miss him when he is not around, but I am not so forlorn that I would die without him.  We live in the here and now, and we are not ones to talk too much about the future.  Now, if he was to defend my honor, I would be surprised.  He is one to let me fight my own battles.  Sometimes, I wish he knew that I miss the one thing we did not place such high regard on and do something about it, but I see it as since it is not broke, we do not need to fix it.  Complacency is on our side.

I just found it so odd that I had a dream like that.  I wonder if it is my subconscious telling me that I need more romance in my life?  Is it possible that since in reality, I lack that little bit of sappy stuff so much I am seeking it from another in my dreams?  Maybe my confidence level is so low that I am screaming inside to be saved by anyone?  It does make me wonder if I am really worth fighting for.  I know I would fight for me, but would someone else feel that they would for me, too?

Oh, who am I kidding!  This odd dream is probably because I had some chocolate before bed.

Hmmm.... I wonder what I will dream up about next if my bedtime snack is.....

Wouldn't you want to know...  HA HA HA!!

Have a great day!