Well, isn't that so special.....

Hmmm... Where to start on this one.... Okay, here goes...

After deciding to skip the gym and do some major housework which consisted of moving a 200+ pound couch to clean under yesterday, I got to appreciate one place in my home that is really clean that nobody else will ever see.  Oh well, living with 2 clutter-bugs that suffer clutter blindness is par for the course.  That, and knowing my place in this family really nails the idea home that I am the hired help that does not get paid.

Clutter blindness is described as follows:  If a person can look beyond the mess they make and have the inability to help clean, if the mess is contained in either a bag or box in their path by stepping around, over or onto it while walking from point 'A' to point 'B', you have clutter blindness.


I accidentally mumbled my disgust in myself in front of DH during his lunch break that he come home for.  He said nothing... Not surprised.

DD goes to the doctor for her follow up visit about her sinus infection.  I already knew that she needed to be back on a round of Steroids because post nasal drip affects her Asthma.  Well, technically, it is called Reactive Airway Disease.  Asthmatics need to be on constant medications, as she does not.  Since she was the age of 2, I learned more than I need to know about her condition.  In fact, I think I know more than the doctor when it comes to my daughter.  As I was right, again, we left with a prescription for Prednisone and went to Walgreens to pick it up.  As we are waiting for her prescription to be filled, DD decides that she wants something.  She always does.  I cannot take her to any store where she can find something she absolutely wants to have.  She decides she needs construction paper.  She just learned quilling in art class and says she is a natural at it and wants to make something at home.  I know that this is just another thing for me to clean up after she is done with her project.  I am just not a fan of vacuuming confetti after spending hours doing spring cleaning in the winter.  Remember.... Clutter-bug?

Well, I tell her ,"no", and she decides to start an argument that I was not prepared to hear in the store.  She has the ability to whine really well, and I was prepared for that.  She decided to turn the tables and say loudly in the store that her father would buy it for her because he loves her more than I do.  Well, that just hit the last raw nerve I have left.  This last nerve was the gatekeeper of control.  It took just about every ounce of me to not say a word until we finally got to the car with her prescription.  Then, she learned quite quickly, that arguing with me is a really bad idea because I am not one to be messed with.  She got an earful of facts that made her statement about me not loving her so wrong.  I did tell her that if she thinks I do not love her that much, I can definitely make that happen.  The next time she is sick, her father can take her to the doctor.  He does not know where the doctor's office is because he chooses to not know.  If she ends up in the hospital because her father doesn't take her to the doctor in time when her breathing is in jeopardy, she can stay there all alone.  I have always remained at her side.  "Those stays in the hospital that required being treated by a Pulminologist and Respiratory Therapist, I was there the whole time.  I watched and learned from them on how to handle your condition.  Your father never offered to stay at your side when you were scared to be in the hospital.  I have been the one to protect you, to wipe your tears, to comfort you.  That can all stop easily if you really think I don't love you as much as your father, little girl."  I got the silent treatment from her the rest of the night.


DH finally comes home.  2-1/2 hours late, as usual.  I am already washing the dishes and waiting for him to finally eat and give me more to wash.  He decided to share with me that his actions from Sunday were from outside forces and that somewhere, in his misery, he loves me, but cannot seem to show it.  Oh, how special I must be feeling, right?  Could not escape from the stress to connect with his wife.  Isn't is the whole purpose to do something, when the time and conditions are ideal to do so, to get an escape from that and just be free?  If only a moment to let things go and be connected with the one who always has your back?  To even talk openly about things without fear, to seek support from the strong woman that only wants to help?  I get that excuse handed to me.  Just another thing to swallow down since I was told that I am such a mean and unloving mother from DD.  His timing was just impeccable, getting slammed with excuses about why I get treated like dirt in this house from both DH and DD sent a tear to roll down my face.  Apparently, neither know me all that well and I thought I was so easy to figure out.  How sad.....