Why did I do that?

Sigh.  Yesterday was a day I definitely want a do over on.  I thought I was smarter than that.  I guess not.

Sundays are family days.  DH, DD, and I spend the day together.  We have breakfast together, make the grocery list together, do the grocery shopping together, and for the rest of the day... we just hang out at home.  Not a real exciting thing.  It is just what we do to wind down and get all rested up for the week ahead.  Last week's snow was tough.  Digging out from that blizzard made muscles ache that I forgot existed.  I was just quite impressed that I healed up from that remotely fast and I did not have a serious back spasm to wake me in the middle of the night.  Well, if I did, it was masked quite well with everywhere else hurting.

After that strange dream that I chalked up to having chocolate before bed was still on my mind.  Stuff like that can make a person wonder, especially when the dream is remembered after waking up.  Curiosity like that should be left alone, but as I have said in the past, I never listen to myself.  When will I ever learn?

Yesterday, was the Superbowl.  DD got an invite to a friend's house to watch the game and I took her over there just before the kickoff.  The party was going to be for only a couple of hours.  It was just a group of 11 year olds drinking soda pop and trying to entertain themselves with the game playing in the background.  You see, DD is not really a sports fanatic.  I figured it would be fun for her to hang out with her friends for a while.  It was definitely more fun than hanging out with boring old mom and dad.  Maybe, she would actually be interested enough to watch the game and maybe learn to like sports, like her mom.

Well, I figured that with DD out of the house, I would do a little research of my own.  I know that DH is not the romantic type all on his own.  Most likely reason is because we are never alone.  That, or he just can't figure me out.  So I decided to give a subtle hint by mentioning that we were alone for 2 hours.... "Oh, what shall we do?", I say.  The response I got definitely killed any confidence in myself that I am remotely a desirable woman.  Apparently, men get headaches, too.  Well, in his case...  A sore side from shoveling and that he wanted to relax on the couch and watch American Pickers reruns on the Discovery Channel.  WOW, little did I know that a show about 2 guys traveling the 50 states, looking for "rusty gold" to resell was more of a draw of his attention than his wife.  BOY did I feel stupid even trying.  I can guarantee that I will never put myself out like that ever again.  Oh, who am I kidding!  If Billy the Exterminator was on, I would be ignored too.  Reality TV is killing my reality!!!

After that debacle of a situation I put myself in, I am really starting to wonder if any of my choices in life were the right ones.  I don't regret my choices, but I wonder if given the chance, I would have chosen a different path, knowing what I know now.  Feeling quite ugly and alone, I think I shall hit the gym today.  Still fighting that weight gain from my hormones misfiring (gained 16 and only lost 8).  Once I get back to where I started with January's weigh in, I can start feeling like I am getting a do over for that, at least.  Knocked back a few steps instead of moving forward (or down in numbers on that unforgiving devise) just adds that little extra weight on my shoulders that make me walk with my head down in shame.  Only I can change that.  I just have to pick up my sorry butt off the floor and focus on myself because I now know that in my house.....  Nobody is focusing on me.

As for trying to figure out the meaning of that dream.....  I should have left that alone.